Deajeon

Deajeon:

I left the subway to the rising crescendo of Karaoke projected over concert-sized speakers, I walked through the underground mall, devoid of any life, people merely scurrying to and from their destinations like rats in a sewer. I return from belowground to the outside air, a fresh breath of sewer greets me and I can’t help but smile. I walk a few blocks and see a large shopping area, I cross the street and begin walking down the street. The sound of music blares out of every available hole in this large, well-lit alley. As I walk further down the street the crush of humanity comes towards me, touches me, carries me on its wave. Each person secluded in their own existence, each person seeking their own outlet for their desires. The music begins to blare back and forth, louder and louder, finally reaching a crescendo, papers are thrust into my hands and my head begins to swirl. I spot a Starbucks and try to make my way towards it but I’m swept on further past the Starbucks. I see another coffee shop and begin to plan my escape to it. I cut across the wave leaving a swath of self-righteous indignant persons in my path. I finally reach the safety of the staircase and turn to look back. Behind me the human wave has closed and the people have passed on their respective ways. 

Happy Valentines Day!!

Can I have my hand back please?

This is a lovely conversation I had with

"Hello."
A Thai man shakes my hand, then, without returning it he turns it over and begins to trace the lines on my palm. "Two kids. Two children." He says, looking me straight in the eyes. He returns to his tracing. I look to my left, there's a very nice Thai man observing. I ask him, "Is he crazy?" He smiles at me, "No, he good friend of mine." I beam at him. The ma holding my hand begins to speak again, "here, look here." He's gesturing to a spot near my wrist, "four husbands, four men." I giggled, "will I be married to them all at once?" he looks up at me and smiles, "I am one of them." My eyebrows rose and a smile crept across my face, "Is that so? When do we get married?" He beams toothlessly back at me, "today." Then he says, "have you seen Giant Buddha?" "I'll see that later," I responded." "The floating market?" he persists. "Tuesday." I say. "Chaktuchack market? I'll take you there for 10 baht (30 cents)." I cock my head to the right, "Seriously? No stops? Straight there?" He grins and nods in agreement, then grabs hold of me by the shoulders and leads me across the street to his tuktuk. He pulls out a card and says, "see?" Pointing to a group of words at the bottom of the card, "free gas! We stop here first and then we go to the market." I frown at him "no stops!" "10 baht for me, simple stop, let's go!" I smile and shake my head, "10 baht, no stops, straight to the market." I say firmly, he waffles under my incriminating gaze. "You stop for me? Your husband to be?" I smile, pat him on the shoulder and walk away. 

I fit in 3 paragraphs

Trying to decide what do put into a resume and cover letter is difficult stuff. What parts of you have you cultivated recently that you want to include? How do your basic, morals, skills and wants line up with the program that you are applying for? Do you really want this?

I mean...are you SURE you really want this? Sometimes it's a really big commitment...

After I run through all that banter i'm left with; well yea I want this. I definitely want this, now how do I make myself look amazing? Ok, well I pick through my past achievements and jobs and then amplify them with a little word glossing and then two or three drafts later off it goes. Wow, that simple...REALLY? All my life's achievements can honestly be summed up into a one page or three paragraphs?

Wow.

So here's where I start:
1. I live abroad and have lived abroad. Ok, what does that prove?
2. I speak bits of two vastly different languages. Ok, what does that prove?
3. I'm much better at people than I am at numbers. Ok, how can I make that look pretty?
4. I love teaching almost more than anything else in the world. Honestly. Ok, how can I convey this?
5. I want to live the rest of my life in the Mediterranean. Ok, you don't know that for sure and that's not a useful skill so place that on the back burner; just make sure you don't set yourself up for failure so you can achieve this eventually.
6. I have spent the majority of my job life working with children. Ok, how can I word gloss this up better?
7. I have the capability and readiness to live anywhere in the entire world. Ok, how do I make this known?

There it is. Everything that immediately came to mind to be summed up into 3 paragraphs.
How depressingly small is that? Fah.

Anyeong!

The Students are weighing on my mind

Since I’ve come back from Thailand I’ve been teaching for 3 days (what school gives winter vacation for 3 weeks, has the teachers teach for 3 days, has a half day/graduation ceremony and then gives a 2 week "spring break"?) and frantically trying to plan my lessons for the next year. I'm in a relatively unique situation because my school decided that they liked the lesson plans I was making and therefore don't want me teaching from a textbook. While this clears up any sort of bureaucratic textbook headaches that are the source of disdain for many of my fellow teachers, it also leaves me in a position that feels precariously like standing on stilts on the proverbial fence. 

For example, if I teach a lesson and the students/my co-teachers don't like it, then I’m branded as a "teacher" that is incapable of providing adequate means of learning for my students (note the scorn placed upon teacher with those quotes, ouch!) BUT if I provide quality lessons then I’m free to teach whatever I want and my co-workers applaud me for being so teacher-ly. SO every week as I plan my lessons I have to keep in mind that precarious perch I’m on; which I find to be a quality experience because it means that I must fervently out-best myself each week. Fun. 

Anyways, long rambling diatribe that leads to my main point: WHAT AM I GOING TO POSSIBLY DO NEXT YEAR?! Recently I’ve been tossing about ideas concerning WHAT I’m going to do with my classes next year and I realized some inner delving was necessary. After teaching for the last 6 months I’ve gone from no tangible teaching experience to what I consider mostly quality teaching. I'm not actually sure that my students are retaining anything that I’m teaching them, but then again to this point I have yet to actually delve into teaching grammar or anything of substance. I basically infuse some world culture and free thinking into my students otherwise rote lives of repeat and memorize; I personally think that this is a positive thing for them as well as for my co-teachers but it doesn’t leave much room for personal growth. But the question still lingers, what should I do with my lessons next year? Do I want to continue down this path of little responsibility and no way of gauging whether my students are actually retaining what I say OR do I want to create a semester long project that requires them to draw on the materials that have been presented in former lessons? Obviously, my choice is clear.

The next question that weighs me down is: HOW IN THE WORLD DO I DO THIS? And yes, I’m yelling. As I have waxed lyrical in previous posts, I have no experience as a teacher except for the babysitting and the job with the elementary school, but neither of those positions really prepared me for the rigors of a classroom. The discipline required for 1, 2 or even 10 students is nothing compared to the mass discipline and impregnation of thoughts that careful planning and articulate delivery bring to a classroom. So, I suppose that I have some more research to do.
What I’ve discovered on my self-teaching-how-to-teach journey is that I definitely have a disciplinary and teaching style that varies from other teachers and that this applies to all teachers; there is no one size fits all and that’s a relief. The important thing, once I realized this, was to look at the way other people taught and then to take the things I liked and tailor each lesson specifically to me. I also learned to speak more slowly, clearly and to use smaller words and popular Kanglish vernacular. With these steps I’ve carefully crafted myself into becoming a much better teacher. Success! However, these are just the bare bones basics. Now what I need to work on is actual planning and articulating more concrete and solid lesson plans that measure, without testing (because I don't have access to tests), the amount that my students are learning and basically I’m all thumbs. I have no idea how I’m supposed to go about doing this. So, until I figure that out I’ll be glued to my computer screen reading teacher blogs, articles, books and god knows what else. If you have any suggestions, please help a friend out. 

Also, note of tragedy, today is graduation and I wasn't informed that I’m supposed to give a SPEECH in front of the ENTIRE school. Neither was I informed that it was superior dress day. I look nice, but my slacks and cardigan are NOTHING compared to the suits, ties, pumps, frilly dresses and hanbok that my co-workers are wearing. 

*sigh, hangs head in shame*

Oh Korealand,

Anyeong!

Uh oh. Umm...Daddy?

As I stood in the line for customs I felt a finger of fear creep into my stomach and grip me loosely. How could I be so stupid as to not have gotten any money while I was still in Korea? I mused silently, remember those ATM's at the train station? Or maybe the ATM's in the airport itself? Either of those would have worked, but no, you just kept saying there'll be a better deal at the next place. Stupid! Finally, it was my turn, I passed through customs unscathed and looked around. My new plane buddies were having technical difficulties with their customs and the fat man had run off. I began wandering around looking for an ATM, my pack digging heavily into my shoulders. I finally found one and inserted my Korean card. Of course it didn't work, it's Korean. "It was a worth a shot." I muttered under my breath. I tried my new credit card, but of course, I didn't have a pin number so that didn't work either. I began to feel the fingers tightening uncomfortably. 

As I stood there in the baggage claim area I began to think of alternative ways to get some money. My first thoughts were of my daddy. Oh boy. Immediately I was transported across the ocean to D-town. There he sat at his desk in the Mom. Offices, imposing and ever correct. Mentally I gulped as I began imagining what he would say if he received a phone call from me; "Hi daddy! I made it! But GUESS what?! I forgot to bring money with me!" Mentally I composed the rest of the picturesque statement, ripe with remorse, selflessness, need and the greatness of dad. I finished and mentally imagined his brows furrowing deeper and deeper with each word. Lines as deep as the ocean creasing his forehead. I imagined him questioning me tersely, attempting to figure out whether my situation was perilous or not. When he finally determined that I was a mere idiot and nothing more, I imagined his ire, building over the head of my patriarch like purple storm clouds in the Rockies. Finally, I imagined his words, "How much do you need?" Stated tersely, with no slip of emotion. Pure statement of facts. I would, at this point, pretend to consider, I wouldn't want it to be too extreme or he'd scoff at me, yet I wouldn't want it to be too simple or he'd feel anxiety course through him. 

My statement: "600$?" 

His response: "Ok, I’ll wire it to you, where do you need it?"

We'd then have a conversation concerning the fine details of this life-saving act and then, well then I’d get a lecture on responsibility and safety. He would, in no certain terms, berate me for being so stupid. I, having received the wherewithal to proceed on my journey would feel frustrating boiling, doesn't he realize we're past this? Of course I’d have to giggle softly to myself then because the berating stems solely from love and worry. We would end the conversation shortly thereafter. 

"I love my Molly."

"I love my daddy."

I snapped back to attention, turned to the nearest bank teller, "Is there anywhere I can get money straight off my credit card?" "This bank, next desk ma'am." PERFECT! I turned away and got to business. With 6,000 Baht burning a hole in my pocket I stepped out of the airport and into the Thai air, following closely behind my newly discovered airplane friends. As we flashed through the city in a hot pink taxi, the cool night air whipping my hair, I contemplated how stupid I’d been. Backpacker learning experience number 12, NEVER forget your money. Check.

As we zoomed along the freeway my revelations were disturbed only by the occasional brilliant explosion of golden color, lighting up a deity set up on the road to watch over my safety. I offered up a silent prayer of thanks as we continued to hurtle through the darkness and tall, sentrified buildings of Bangkok, in search of our own destinations. It never hurts to go with the culture…right?